Love and Respect

September 8

Isaiah 1-2

Psalm 103:1-5

Proverbs 22:7-8

Ephesians 5:21-33

Love and Respect

“To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.”

 Ephesians 5:33 HCSB

There is a book I give to every couple I know that is getting married because I think it is the best book available on marriage.  It is called Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs.  I encourage all of you to get this book if you are getting married or if you have been married a few years or 50 years.  Read it now and then read it again every 5 years or so.  I believe it holds the secret to a successful marriage and can have a profound impact on your relationship.  I have never read a book that nails it like this one does.  It basically says what the Bible has been saying for centuries, but in a way that is easy to understand and apply to our personal lives. The truths we find in the Bible are timeless.  God’s instructions for marriage are not culturally bound.  They are as applicable today as they were when they were written because God created us, and He knows us better than we know ourselves.  He made us male and female with innate qualities that enable us to function together in the bonds of marriage and as a family unit.  Men have a God-given need to be respected.  It is not narcissistic or prideful.  It allows them to function in their role as husbands.  It gives them the confidence and courage to lead their families in a godly, righteous way.  As wives, the most important thing we can do is treat our husbands with respect and honor.  Speaking to them in demeaning and condescending tones and treating them as though they are incompetent will kill their spirit. 

Women have a God-given need to feel loved and secure.  I am not in any way suggesting that women are weak and need to be taken care of.  A lot of the strongest people I know are women.  It has nothing to do with weakness, but it is important that we feel loved and cherished.  This allows us to function in our roles as wives and mothers.  When we feel secure and loved then we can fulfill our roles, but when we do not feel secure in our relationships, we feel vulnerable, and we react in ways that are unhealthy.  It can lead to unhealthy cycles of communication and conflict that can destroy the marriage and family bonds.  It does not always come naturally for men to make their wives feel loved or for women to show respect to their husbands.  It takes conscious effort and awareness.  This book gives insight into things we do that we aren’t even aware of that undermine our relationships.  Most of us want to give our spouses what they need.  We want healthy marriages with good communication and intimacy.  But if you have been married very long you know that it is easy to slip into patterns of busyness and complacency and neglect the most important relationship you have.  At least 50% of marriages end in divorce.  I pray that we will each be purposeful and prayerful so that we will not be in that statistic.