November 10
Ezekiel 25-27
Psalm 119:145-152
Proverbs 27:5-6
James 2:1-13
Speaking the Truth in Love
“Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” Proverbs 27:6 NIV
Ephesians 4:11-16 should be our guide when we are in a position where we need to give constructive criticism to someone. “So, Christ Himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors, and teachers, to equip His people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching…. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of Him who is the head, that is, Christ. From Him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.” (NIV) This is a picture of the body of Christ functioning together as one in love and support. The purpose of constructive criticism should always be to help the person become more mature in Christ. The motive should be a desire to seek the best for them and the means should be a humble and loving spirit.
Knowing when to speak up and when to keep our mouth shut is very difficult. We often find ourselves in situations where we must decide if something needs to be said to correct a friend or family member and whether we are the one that needs to say it. Prayerfully seeking God’s guidance in examining our purpose, motive and means will help us answer that question. If it is an issue that affects their spiritual growth and will help them mature as a believer, then it most likely needs to be addressed. If it is just something that annoys you or that is a matter of personal preference, then it may be best to just ignore it. The motive behind your desire to confront the person is very important. If you feel the need to confront them because you truly want to help them and want what is best for them, then that is a good indicator that you should address the issue. If it is for your own personal benefit, then you need to pray and ask God for wisdom about how to proceed. All constructive criticism should come from a humble and loving spirit. If you go to the person in anger or with a demanding tone, they are likely to get defensive and you will not accomplish your purpose. Prayer and turning the situation over to God will allow you to go into the conversation with a gentle tone and loving heart that will help them see that you are not trying to hurt them, but that you want to help them.
It is important that we remember these things when we are the recipient of constructive criticism as well. It is easy to find people who will tell us what we want to hear, but true friends tell us what we need to hear. We need to surround ourselves with people who love us enough to tell us the truth in love.
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